Parenting is one of the greatest roles one can ever play. It is one of the major tasks a couple will perform when finally they have kids of their own. It is very obvious though that there is no such thing as ‘perfect’ parents, considering that no two children are the same. To get you started on becoming better parents, here is a job description for wanna-be-parents like you. This will guide you on what to do and what to expect in order to be great Moms and Dads for your children.
JOB DESCRIPTION
POSITION: DADDY / MOMMY
• Long-term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often-chaotic environment.
• Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which includes evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
• Some overnight travels required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities.
• Travel expenses are not reimbursable. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES
• For the rest of your life, must be willing to be hated at least temporarily, until someone needs cash to go skating or buy something.
• Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
• Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone crying wolf.
• Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
• Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
• Must have the ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
• Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
• Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery-operated devices.
• Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
• Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
• Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION
• Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPRERIENCE
• None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION
• You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses.
• When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS
• While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, job supplies unlimited opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
• Long-term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often-chaotic environment.
• Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which includes evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
• Some overnight travels required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities.
• Travel expenses are not reimbursable. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES
• For the rest of your life, must be willing to be hated at least temporarily, until someone needs cash to go skating or buy something.
• Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
• Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone crying wolf.
• Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
• Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
• Must have the ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
• Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
• Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery-operated devices.
• Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
• Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
• Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION
• Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPRERIENCE
• None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION
• You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses.
• When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS
• While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, job supplies unlimited opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Time flies so fast for our own comfort. Our children were once only little sleeping babies tenderly cradled in our arms. The next time we know, they are crawling, walking, jumping and trying the threshold of our patience and wits! Ah, the joys of parenting and the many happy challenges that goes with it. Overall, it is a wonderful lifetime experience.
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